For Whom Church Bells Don't Toll
by knives4cash
Summary: Max wants to get her hands all over Kate's Bible.


**This fanfiction was prompted by Totojo2, who can be found on Deviantart. She was one of the winners in a "Favorite Moment" LiS contest I co-hosted. A million years later, I finally finished it, and with her approval I present it to the world!**

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Max was gay. To quote her repeatedly dying friend, "You're about as straight as wet pasta." Max did not argue with this analysis, as the results were completely sound. She loved women. Men could go suck themselves, 'cause this photo-snappin' bad girl wanted tacos with extra pink meat. So, when Max came across the beautiful, reserved, thoughtful, and ravishing Kate Marsh in her photography class, she decided that the single life wasn't going to work out for either of them anymore. The wonderful world of high school allowed Max to unceremoniously collect information on Kate via gossiping girls, perverted boys, and social media.

Max wasn't going to acknowledge the girl's existence in her own class, much less make advances towards her until she had gathered enough information to her liking. So, on a chilly autumn evening, when the birds were chirping as the children vandalized school property, Max sat down at her desk, turned on her laptop, and blew off the stray hairs that had fallen onto the keyboard, she looked the girl up on facebook.

The latest post was on how she had just joined the school's sorority Christian club.

Through the walls of her dorm, people wondered who was having such a magnificent orgasm, as the groan they heard, a groan of such _magnitude_ , could only encompass the greatest of pleasures; though, Max couldn't have been farther from a climax. Overcome with exhaustion, she had to lean back and rub her eyes after she realized she'd been hunched forward and not blinking.

Taking a deep breath, Max clasped her hands together and stared at the profile of the cute girl, her cute bunny, and her stupid cross necklace. Technically, it was more of a glare; but, it only hardened her resolve. She was in control of her life for the first time, with her parents and their authority far, far away. She had the grades to prove that she was a capable, young adult, and by golly she was going to get the girl! She'd just have to be S.M.A.R.T. about it!

"And we have a new member who has joined Sisters Morally Abstaining Rightfully Together!"

Max sat up, awkwardly waving and smiling to the group of girls. She'd maneuvered her way into Kate Marsh's group of twelve girls, with a thirteenth acting as a leader. Max's fellowship gals gave her a polite applause, but she looked on hopefully to see if Kate was clapping with a little more sincerity.

"This is Max Caulfield, everyone," the youth leader welcomed with a warm smile. "Why don't you introduce yourself for us?"

"I'm a flaming homosexual, and I was wondering if Kate Marsh would let me go down on her."

That didn't work, so Max went back.

"I am just so happy to find my fellow disciples, and I hate Muslims!"

That was a step in the right direction, but it wasn't enough. She went back again.

"I love God, and I trust in His plan to guide me through my life. I also like photography and books."

"What kind of books?" Kate asked.

Excited at the prospect of opening up a more personal dialogue with her, Max immediately answered, "Erotic lesbiaaah fuck."

Max went back again.

" _Harry Potter_."

That didn't sit well with the group, so Max went back yet again. The headache was starting to become literal for Max.

"What books do you guys like?" she finally asked, not bothering to hide her frustration, which only doubled when she got her answer and went back.

" _Twilight_. I really like _Twilight_. It's... such a good book," she proclaimed to the group, who giddily agreed with her, making various comments about the romantic appeal of a one hundred-year-old vampire wooing a seventeen-year-old. Max's glass smile threatened to shatter, but she steeled her nerves and went along with it, receiving the applause of her peers as they complimented her on such fine tastes.

After a five minute and uncharacteristically heated debate on which man was more appealing, Max's assigned youth leader got them all back on track and led them in a prayer circle. "Dear Lord, please guide these students through their lives," the youth leader began.

Bowing her head, Max closed her eyes and imagined Kate's soothing voice saying different things under different circumstances.

"Dear Lord, please help me to stay pure and righteous, so that I can continue to live a good life," Kate asked when it was her turn.

As demoralising as it was, the prayers continued until it was Max's turn. She persisted and prayed, "Dear Lord, please let me learn to love who I am." As she was the last one to pray, she finally got to open her eyes, only to be greeted with suspicion and dread from the group.

After a few, colorful words Max went back.

"Dear Lord, let me learn to love who you want me to be."

That was better.

Prayer ended, and the nightly sermon began. Max popped headache pills and vowed to not rewind anymore until her current headache went away. There were plenty of quotes, and group discussion opened up on the topic of following through with God's path. There were plenty of opinions, with comments ranging from "Being happy is God's plan for us all," to "Do what He says or else".

Max kept her eyes on Kate, who had remained silent for the most part. She'd given the necessary applause and the supportive comment, but she just wasn't jumping into the conversation. This wouldn't do, as Max needed to figure out what this girl liked beyond random cat photos on her Basebook page.

"So, I know this isn't a very on-topic question," Max piped up, drawing her group's attention. "But I couldn't help but notice there weren't a lot of options when it came to dating in a Christian fashion," she hastily added on towards the end. She did _not_ want to have to go back yet again.

The youth leader explained,"That's because they've all gone after Kate."

Max had grown so accustomed to stopping time on her terms that she was doubly surprised when she felt it stopping for her. "What?" was all she could squeak, heart racing as if she were athletic.

"Oh, stop it!" Kate gently laughed, waving her hand in a dismissive fashion. "They're just being polite to me."

"Nuh-uh!" another girl laughed, shaking her head. "There was Tom, Hank, Chris, Pat, even Warren! They all stopped by to chat her up!"

"Ew, Warren!" the collective agreed.

"Wow," Max nervously laughed along. Tugging at her collar, she swallowed hard to drain the swamp in her mouth. "Does... um... I guess Kate gets all the boys and girls!"

There was another uproar of jubilant joy from the group as they imagined a girl approaching Kate Marsh in a romantic fashion. "Thank God we're all straight!" one girl proudly proclaimed.

Slouching, Max exclaimed, "Yaaay," as there was no point in going back anymore. This was literally the worst thing that had ever happened in history, and Max lost herself in thought. She wondered how she might recover from such a devastating loss. She wondered how she would pay for counselling to recover from the PTSD. She wondered who would be texting her at such a late time in the night.

Pulling out her phone, Max lit up to see "step-dork asleep. lets go get pizza."

Max was halfway to the main parking lot. "I'll be waiting (^u^)," she texted back.

"wat did i tell u abt the god dam EMOJIIIIS?! bcas of ppl like u theyre making a fuking MOVIE ABT THEM!"

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 **A/N:** **I am not dead!**

I just finished my junior year at college/university. Just as a quick reminder, I'm studying mechanical engineering, and if you can go with 5-6 hours of sleep every night, then you're more qualified than me. I've been on scholarship probation (ran out of the scholarship money, though! Now I don't have to worry about my GPA!), and I've also been managing a lot of RWBY fan art clubs on Deviantart in what little free time I've actually had.

Home life got a lot worse, and I'm literally trapped in the house for the whole summer, but now that gives me time to start catching up on all of the contest winner entries I still owe, aaand I can continue working on my own, personal projects, like "Team WRBY"! Which just got some more art, thanks to Okami-Kiera! Check her out on Deviantart!

Anyways, my life has been very turbulent, but if it wasn't where would the fun be? I know what cognitive dissonance is, shut up.

You can expect more from me this summer! :D


End file.
